5 Signs Your Aging Parent Might Need Mental Health Support (And How to Start the Conversation)
You've noticed something feels different with your parent lately. Maybe they're withdrawing from activities they used to enjoy, or they seem more irritable than usual. You tell yourself it's just part of getting older, but something in your gut says there's more to it.
Recognizing when an aging parent needs mental health support can be challenging. Changes in mood, behavior, and social engagement don't always announce themselves clearly. Sometimes what looks like "typical aging" is actually a treatable mental health condition that's quietly impacting your parent's quality of life.
As a clinical psychologist specializing in geropsychology, I work with families navigating these concerns every day. The good news? Mental health treatment can be remarkably effective for older adults. The first step is knowing what to look for and how to talk about it.
Understanding the Difference Between Normal Aging and Mental Health Concerns
Some changes are expected with age, like occasional forgetfulness, slower movement, or taking longer to learn new things. Emotional ups and downs in response to life events, like retiring or losing a friend, are also common.
But persistent sadness, chronic anxiety, apathy, or difficulty functioning are not just "part of getting older." These may be signs of conditions like late-life depression or anxiety, which often look different than they do in younger adults.
Here are five common signs that it might be time to consider mental health support for your aging parent.
1. Persistent Changes in Mood or Personality
Your parent seems like a different person. A once-patient mother is now irritable. A cheerful father is distant and quiet.
What it looks like: Crying frequently, snapping over small issues, emotional flatness, or statements like "I'm just a burden.
Why it matters: Depression in older adults often shows up as irritability or apathy rather than sadness. This can make it harder to recognize, but it's no less serious.
What it might indicate: Depression, anxiety, unresolved grief, or stress from life transitions like retirement or loss of independence.
2. Withdrawing from Social Activities or Relationships
A parent who used to attend church or chat with neighbors now prefers to stay home. Invitations go unanswered. Phone calls get shorter.
What it looks like: Canceling plans, avoiding friends, losing interest in family gatherings, or disengaging from hobbies they once loved.
Why it matters: Isolation increases risk for depression and cognitive decline. Withdrawal is both a symptom and a cause of further emotional decline, creating a cycle that's hard to break without support.
What it might indicate: Depression, loneliness, health anxiety, or early cognitive changes.
3. Neglecting Self-Care or Daily Tasks
Your once-tidy parent seems disheveled. Bills go unpaid. The fridge is nearly empty.
What it looks like: Skipping meals, wearing the same clothes for days, missing medications, forgetting appointments, or a home that's fallen into disarray.
Why it matters: Poor self-care often reflects cognitive or emotional overwhelm. When daily tasks become too much, it's a sign that functioning has become impaired.
What it might indicate: Depression, anxiety, caregiver burnout (if they're also caring for a spouse), or early dementia.
4. Frequent Physical Complaints Without a Clear Cause
They're always tired. A new ache appears each week. Doctors run tests, but nothing seems to help.
What it looks like: Repeated complaints of fatigue, pain, digestive issues, or vague discomfort that doesn't respond to medical treatment.
Why it matters: Older adults often express emotional distress through physical symptoms. The pain is real, but the root cause may be psychological rather than purely medical.
What it might indicate: Depression, anxiety, somatic symptom disorder, or stress-related tension.
5. Memory, Concentration, or Decision-Making Problems
They forget conversations, lose track of appointments, or struggle with decisions they used to handle with ease.
What it looks like: Repeating questions, misplacing items, confusion with finances or schedules, difficulty following conversations.
Why it matters: Mental health issues can impair focus and memory, sometimes mimicking dementia. Depression-related cognitive difficulties often improve with treatment, but distinguishing between depression, medication side effects, and early dementia requires professional assessment.
What it might indicate: Depression-related cognitive symptoms, early dementia, medication side effects, or a combination of factors.
When to Pay Extra Attention
If several of these signs are happening together, like withdrawal, mood changes, and trouble managing tasks, it's time to take notice. The more areas of life affected, the greater the need for support.
These patterns often overlap. Depression in older adults rarely announces itself clearly. It's more like a gradual dimming. That's why comprehensive evaluation matters. A geropsychologist can distinguish between depression, early cognitive changes, medication side effects, and normal aging responses, ensuring your parent gets the right support.
How to Start the Conversation
This part can feel hard. You don't want to offend your parent or imply they can't take care of themselves. But the way you bring it up makes all the difference.
Choose a quiet, low-stress time: Don't bring this up during a family gathering or right after a difficult moment. Find a private time when you can talk without interruptions.
Use specific examples: Instead of vague concerns, describe what you've actually observed. "I've noticed you've stopped going to church and you seem more tired. I'm worried about how you're feeling."
Be compassionate, not confrontational: Lead with love, not criticism. Make it clear you're concerned because you care.
Acknowledge their perspective: Your parent may have explanations for the changes you've seen. Listen without immediately dismissing their view, even if you disagree.
Normalize mental health care: Many older adults grew up when therapy carried significant stigma. Help reframe it as health care, not a sign of weakness.
Sample Conversation Starters
If they're withdrawn: "I've noticed you've stopped going to church and seeing your friends. You used to love those activities. I care about you and want to check in. How are you really doing?"
If they're struggling with daily tasks: "I know you've been through a lot lately with [specific situation]. It seems like some things are getting harder to manage. Would you be open to talking to someone who could help?"
If they dismiss your concerns: "I hear you saying you're fine. I hope you're right. And I still want to make sure you're feeling as good as you can. Would you be willing to just talk to someone once, even just to ease my mind?"
If they resist the idea of therapy: "Therapy isn't about being broken or weak. It's about getting support during a difficult time. Lots of people find it helpful, especially when dealing with big changes. I'd be happy to help you find someone and even come with you to the first appointment if you'd like."
If they refuse: "I understand you're not ready right now. That's okay. But I want you to know I'm here, and if you change your mind, I'll help you find support. Can we check in about this again in a few weeks?"
What Happens in Therapy for Older Adults
If your parent agrees to seek help, therapy focuses on what matters most to them right now. We're not talking about years of psychoanalysis. This is practical, focused support for the challenges they're facing.
Common focuses include:
Coping with life changes like retirement or loss of independence
Processing grief and transitions
Managing anxiety or depression
Reconnecting with purpose and meaningful activities
Improving relationships with family
As a geropsychologist, I also consider medical history, medications, cognitive health, and family dynamics to ensure treatment is personalized and effective. Many older adults find that even a few sessions make a meaningful difference in how they're feeling and functioning. Learn more about therapy services for older adults.
Treatment approaches like cognitive-behavioral therapy, problem-solving therapy, and supportive counseling have strong evidence for helping older adults. In some cases, collaboration with a physician about medication may also be helpful
When to Seek Immediate Help
Some situations require immediate intervention rather than a scheduled appointment.
Call 911 or go to the ER if your parent:
Mentions wanting to die or talks about suicide
Expresses hopelessness, delusions, or seems detached from reality
Is at risk of harming themselves or others
Shows severe confusion or disorientation
You can also call or text the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline 24/7 for immediate support.
Trust your judgment. If something feels seriously wrong, don't hesitate to seek immediate help even if you're not sure it meets these exact criteria.
A Note About Your Own Wellbeing
Watching a parent struggle takes an emotional toll. If you're feeling overwhelmed, guilty, or exhausted by trying to help, those feelings are valid. Many adult children need support while navigating concerns about aging parents. Taking care of yourself isn't selfish. It's necessary for sustaining your ability to help.
Final Thoughts: You're Not Alone
If you've been asking yourself, ‘Is this just aging, or something more?’ trust that instinct. You don't need to have all the answers. Just the willingness to ask the questions.
Your parent doesn't have to suffer just because they're getting older. While some challenges, like grief over losses and adjustment to physical changes, are inevitable parts of aging, depression and anxiety are treatable conditions. Treatment helps people cope more effectively and reconnect with meaning even during difficult times.
At Bell Wellness & Mental Health, I specialize in working with older adults and the families who care about them. If you're not sure whether what you're seeing warrants professional support, I offer free 15-minute consultations to help you figure out next steps with no commitment required. Let's talk through what you're noticing and explore whether therapy might help.
Schedule a Free Consultation or call at 703-682-8272.
You don't have to navigate this alone. Let's start the conversation together.
